"What do * I * want?"

I was chanting, for half an our this afternoon, back home after world Peace Gongyo, about my situation at work tomorrow -- i will be getting a new boss, and Jim Coder will bring him over and we will talk tomorrow. And started chanted about his happiness, that I am a good employee, even picturing that I shakubuku him (introduce him to Buddhism) and picturing him getting Gohonzon ---

And then something washed over me, that never had before...

"What do I want?!"

That just came out of my life, like it never has before. The thought being the big picture. Am I really cut out for working at a desk in an office? Do I want to work on my own, even be self-employed?

Just the question itself was a bolt out of the blue. A deep thought and paradigm shifting I had never had before.

Wow!


I just this morning read Thom Rutledge in Embracing Fear talking about "living by default", just accepting and taking what happens to come your way, even the big things, like jobs and careers, marriages. He was fortunate enough to realize this, and that he was himself doing this, while he was still in his 20's and in still in college.

But I am still fortunate enough, hopefully, to realize it and come to grip with it now.

I keep surprising myself!!