09.14.08

Went for a bike ride this morning - a warm, actually summer-sticky, Sunday morning, here in mid-September. Around the Delaware Park ring road 3 times, looking at all the beautiful women in their tank tops and bare legs and white ipod wires, walking jogging working to become more beautiful or to keep beautiful; the mothers and fathers biking with their children clustered around them, or pushing strollers; other bikers more serious than me, leaning forward precariously on their racing bikes, in streamlined helmets and their spandex shirts and shorts.

And I wondered, that I am always just watching myself, like my life is an apathetic movie, the moments and thoughts of my life the cells blurring into fake movement as time speeds the reel down to its end.

Shit. I just want to pull the plug on that projector, shout "Fuck This!" into the empty auditorium, jump out of the booth and run down the aisle - "Fuck This! Fuck This!" - and push the doors open and bolt into the sunny daylight.