like Mork and Mindy...

"I don't care if she does love me -- I don't feel loved!
Eddie (Sean Penn) in "Hurly Burly"


I was leaving the Lexington Food Co-Op on Elmwood this evening, when a pert little young woman I didn't recognize in big sunglasses said, "Oh hi Larry!"

It was Jessica, in long hair and dark sunglasses, with her daughter and son. Jessica has got to be past 40, but she could pass for 26.

She introduced her daughter and son, both tweeners. She was a roommate's girlfriend over 20 years ago, in the first place I moved into. Maybe they were engaged for a while.

"I heard you had surgery!"

I pulled aside the top of my button-down shirt to show her more of my scar -- today I wore a shirt with the top button undone, and with this shirt that exposes a lot of my scar. After the surgery I thought I would be covering up, but I actually want people to see it.

She peered at it. "Wow...! My husband has the same thing!"

We chatted for a couple minutes -- me explaining how in some ways I feel better than I have in a long time, and then my body will say, "oh no you're not!" -- she explaining how they have a home in East Aurora now, but are spending the summer in Canada as it is being remodeled...

As we began to drift in our different directions, she said, "They called me and said 'Larry's having surgery, chant for him!' and I said 'Oh my god! Larry?' and I chanted for you!"

This shocked me, that she would pray for me, perhaps even that morning of my surgery, that she would think of me, after not really seeing each other for what, 15 years...


Even though, as Layla -- who literally lived with me for the first 12 days after I got home, dressed my scars, saw me naked while covered in bruises, washed me the first couple days, and keeps telling me she expects nothing for doing it -- told me yesterday as she recounted how she ran into her friends and mine that day, that we are so lucky to be surrounded by friends, aren't we... I still always feel so alone, so alien and isolated... and then I feel guilty and ashamed for feeling so isolated when I think of all the efforts and the love and caring that cocoon me...